Distraction in December

for Karla Treskow

Wide awake, outside

Smoking a cigarette,

Swearing to Jesus,

Wearing night

In her neighbor's backyard.

This isn't as funny when

Buildings glow in the dark.

A new dress on New Year's,

The strangest fucking safely tucked

In the basement too many nights

In a row.

She realizes good people want church,

Have heard American dinosaurs laughing.

She walks, hungry,

The gods waiting to delight in her.

The wind hints that ideas

Are cold this time of year.

We Can Talk About Her Now

for Emily K. Proeber

Simply genius,

Her unnecessarily large words

Make people jump.

A tortoise sleeps in her windowsill.

Sitting on the couch by herself,

She miscalculates sickness and misses

The end of the world.

She looks for the Mayans,

Draws a white elephant

For a 2013 calendar.

This collective amnesia

Rattles her picture window.

All Milton, All the Time

for Milton Smith

This remark is a few days late.

He resembles Ghostbusters

And people I know.

He watches snow,

Doesn't recall traveling,

Discovering this bed.

He is such a bastard

But actually brilliant.

He can go away to audition,

Grab a script,

And respond to recent events.

He misses important messages and

Winter weather advisories.

He's done nothing but dream.

Where You Find Love

for Sara Thorlton

Only she holds an idea twice,

Everything spinning,

Astounded by direction.

A true mother, feeling orange,

Ready to choose between

Happy, free, confused and lonely.

Truly honest, sometimes

It can't be said

Because kisses and farts don't care

Where you find love.

And all those other people have no idea,

Blame it on getting lost.

This girl has sunburn in her eyes.

She will break you.

In her head, the best men

Move both today and tomorrow.

In her heart, she says

A perfectionist smiles with her hands.

Her six-year-old daughter's handwriting

Announces crazy laughter.

The Next Martha Stewart

for Ashley Carleton

She fries five million shallots 

And buys a wedding ring.

She squeals on a train

While wearing the wrong shoes.

She loves spending time with

An afternoon Christmas,

Expensive presents, beautiful music.

She feels public market tacos,

Avoids the bomb,

And honors the victims.

When China knows the national mood,

Only one man is capable of sharing

Wine with her at the art museum.

The rarest large mammal in the world

Provides nice scenery for their voting.

She gets Old Milwaukee breakfast for free

With good karma.

Her winning Whole Foods spirulina

Welcomes back a fatty soulmate

With Krispy Kremes.

This health freak couldn't find groceries.

Oh god, looking at the remnants of cookies,

She decides to give second chances.

Epic Design Time

for Bryce Ulmer

For the past couple of years, he has loved

Official salad, different soup, super printers,

And Hanukkah contests, especially ones with

Epic design time.

He ate caloric intake and bought save-the-dates,

Spent morning quotes on wedding stationary.

Yesterday, things he made

Moved onto paper and envelopes:

Cool pictures for the printing.

New turbines got their first look

At portfolios, coloring gin and tonics.

Now he is going to be a veggie, getting quotes,

Shaping wrapped Twinkies with a

Wedding day monogram.

Stashing the Joy

In 1951, love dreams of having this year,

Entertaining witness protection,

Drinking with a friend.

But does anybody really have a good night?

Where does Rosemary stash the joy?

We aren't even going to be happy with Christmas.

If this “snow” keeps up, those who pray

Will make us pull over and cry.

The suffering is over.

This half-naked lady, a really cute montage,

Walked right into the lamp post.

Her ripped dress, silenced until tomorrow,

Looks like the Brothers Grimm.

Outside the house, she sleeps well,

Touched up by a snowy afternoon.

Top-Secret Christmas Mission

My day is off feeling morning,

Straightening weather data,

And warming a woman dismantled.

My stories about first-stop pre-ordered January

Tempt her excitement.

I might not be forgotten.

Today, the world fought bravely,

Epic time flossed conversations,

The theatre creased my thoughts.

The intensity of family feuds flashed

During the first week

Of me and my sisters going to Gurnee,

Missing mom riding along.

The top-secret Christmas mission,

An event bravely bitten,

Quit within twenty minutes.

Equal poems compare global fiction,

Short, planned nights.

Anybody stabbed with scissors

Knows this season.

Three Horrible Letters

Her Fearless Heart

When did you have black photos?

Before the wedding?

Terminal cancer has one week to propose.

Love happens now, in an attempt to be polite.

Several prints are sexy, the love of his life,

A sweet fiancée.

People stop, love this, vow to marry,

Comment on this image.

She isn’t done yet.

Important artwork

Before three horrible letters,

A future quest finally complete.

Learning Where to Eat

Learning How to Eat like Julia Child

Holy Christmas tree,

I love my hand, who I met on pilgrimage

Visiting these places,

And I actually fit in because being a lezzy is

Called the fun theory.

Edible friends are awesome

If they sleep in, gargle garlic, and try everything.

The prostate is clean and happy.

Amazing people affected by poetry say last night

Will just go down, full of win.

Rudolph, needless drivel, and balls

Are mission impossible,

Closing to all my pissed-off requests.

I’m sick of seeing

Toothaches, you, that gallery, coffee cups,

Watching hydrogen peroxide genocide.

My mixed threads, bogged down by Scotland,

Don’t put up with fiercely hammering your

Bacon on my cheek. Some might say

Home is learning where to eat.

* Note: This poem was constructed by rearranging the words in Facebook status posts. The picture was the first image that appeared in a search for "Learning Where to Eat."